Guest post by Karin L Norris
KARIN’S STORY – A mother’s advice to young wives and wives to be.
Before we were married, my husband told me he had a sexual addiction. I was naive, a baby christian and didn’t know what effect this would have on our marriage. I thought “all men look at pornography, right?” I thought “not my problem.”
Actually no! Not all men look at pornography and YES it is a problem in a marriage.
As I grew in my walk with The Lord, I came to realize the true impact pornography has. It was causing my self-esteem to be low and deepening hurts from the thoughts of not being able to live up to the lies that my husband was believing. I thought I would never be as beautiful as the women in the pictures he looked at. I thought that I could never measure up sexually to what he wanted our sex life to be. I was comparing myself to a lie.
I started to understand that my husband had a real problem and learned that he was drawn into the darkness of this addiction by Satan. For ten years he fought against this battle with pornography and for ten years I stood by him and supported him the only way I could – with God’s help.
I learned the 5 Battle Positions of a HAPPY Wife during this time in our lives. Now I want to share with you what God has taught me. Your husband may not have an addiction to pornography, but I hope that through this study you will discover how you can take a stand for your marriage and support your husband in any struggle.
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE: BOUNDARIES VS WALLS (Excerpt from Chapter 8)
Take a moment to write out your definition of Boundaries and Walls:
- What is the dictionary definition of Boundaries?
- What is the dictionary definition of Walls?
“Open communication is best fortified with boundaries not walls but boundaries help us guard our heart.” Karin Norris
Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.”
Building walls around your heart is a natural defense mechanism that happens when we feel hurt and betrayed. But walls block effective communication and prevent engaging in the other persons love language. Remember, your husband is not the enemy and he has no idea what you have been through or are feeling until you tell him.
What walls have you built as a form of defense against hurts?
Pray for God to tear down the walls you have built.
A boundary can be our words. Let your spouse know what is acceptable by using the word NO without wavering. I had to let my husband know what was acceptable and what was not acceptable in our sex life.
Matthew 5:37 “Let your ‘Yes’ be yes and your ‘No’ be no, for what ever is more than these is from the evil one.
A boundary always deals with yourself. You are not demanding that your spouse do something. Your boundaries are what you will or will not do. You are giving up trying to control him and allowing him to take responsibility for his own behavior. My husband had to be responsible for what he looked at on his computer. Boundaries let in the things that nurture and keep out the things that harm. A boundary that I had to put in place was to only watch movies with my husband that did not include nudity.
- What boundaries do you need to put into place?
- What behavior do you want your husband to take responsibility for?
- Pray for God’s guidance in sharing these boundaries with your husband.
BATTLE PLAN: Take a Stand as HELPER by keeping open and honest communication, setting realistic boundaries and restore your relationship to match God’s intent for marriage.
Contents reprinted with permission Copyright 2016 Tell It Like It Is, Inc.
Karin Norris is a mother, grandmother, wife and Co Host of TransformingGrace.TV After surviving a date rape in college and a failed first marriage, Karin found herself living alone as a single mom with a young daughter. While still very young in her Christian walk, she knew God called her to marry the man she was dating. The next ten years would be filled with job changes, multiple moves and more children. The strain of marriage was magnified by her husband’s demanding sexual addiction and use of pornography. Many wives have chosen to leave under these circumstances. Karin was convinced “God sent Loren as a gift to me.” Guest post by Karin L Norris